Pre-marriage Counselling: Why Premarital Counselling Is Necessary?

Premarital counselling can be a game changer to your equation with your to-be spouse!

Marriage is a significant life event and holds value. For the most part, it is uncharted territory. However, marriage has many aspects that many people are not aware of until they live through it.

Men and women have distinct emotional, physical, and sexual requirements. Even their ways of thinking and perceiving differ from one another.

If you believe your relationship is going down the lane, you should seek premarital counselling. A series of sessions with the counsellor will help you better understand each other and force you to discuss topics you might otherwise take for granted.

According to one study, 30% of couples who received premarital education experienced higher levels of satisfaction (post-marriage), and there has been a 30% decrease in divorce over five years. 

When you decide to get married, one of the last things on your mind is the benefits of premarital counselling sessions or online counselling. While there is nothing such as a perfect union, premarital counselling can assist you and your partner address issues many married couples face.

Let us enlighten you about premarital counselling and how it can give you and your partner a different perspective on your relationship.

What Is Premarital Counselling?

Premarital counselling is a therapy that mentally prepares and assists couples in their marriage and gives them a new outlook on their new life. Counselling can help you maintain a solid relationship for the rest of your life by looking past the conflicts. The topics that are usually discussed and covered in premarital counselling are

1. Finances

Money can be stressful and an issue that can cause arguments for married couples, so planning ahead of time on how to manage your finances can help prevent problems in the future.

2. Sharing Your Beliefs

Understanding values and religious sentiments between you and your partner can help foster greater understanding and respect.

You can also talk about how these factors affect your daily life and if you are comfortable making changes.

3. Roles In The Marriage

Discussing the parts, you expect yourself and your partner to have in your relationship can be a critical topic to avoid future conflicts. 

It is better to put your expectations beforehand and look for their thoughts.

4. Activities And Time Spent Together

You and your partner can talk about how you want to spend your time together, your plans to make your life fun, your likes and dislikes, and what activities you would enjoy commonly together.

5. Children

After getting married, couples may discover that they need to be on the same page about whether to have or not have children. As a result, it is difficult to plan ahead of time whether or not you wish to have children and how you want to raise them. Discussing this topic in a safe environment will help you conclude.

6. Family Relationships

Premarital counselling allows you to be open and honest about your relationships with your family and your in-laws and let you discuss your concerns for the same.

ToneOp brings you several types of counselling you can go for and give you a start to this new phase of life.

Types Of Premarital Counselling

There are various types of couples therapy, including premarital counselling, that couples can incorporate at any stage of their relationship.

"Many clinicians will take an integrative approach to couples therapy, drawing from a variety of therapies based on the unique requirements of their patients." 

These are some of the therapies that a premarital counsellor may employ.

1. The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method was created by Drs. According to John and Julie Gottman, the process entails conducting a thorough assessment of you and your partner and then providing a therapeutic framework to address conflict areas.

This therapy aims to improve the quality of your friendship with your partner, increase intimacy, and provide you with problem-solving skills that will assist you in building a stronger relationship.

2. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Drs. developed emotionally focused therapy. It is a short-term therapy developed by Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. It aims to strengthen your attachment and bond with your partner, resulting in better communication and a stronger relationship.

3. Psychodynamic Couples Therapy

The underlying issues that motivate interaction cycles are investigated in psychodynamic couples therapy—identifying and addressing factors such as your desires for closeness, love, and appreciation, as well as your fears of abandonment and rejection. The counsellor can assist you and your partner in understanding and accepting each other better.

Premarital counselling holds more importance than you think, as it helps you understand your partner and opens up ways to discuss less-discussed topics.

Let us see what more it has to offer.

Importance Of Premarital Counselling

• Premarital counselling assists in improving communication between partners and setting realistic marriage goals. It also aids in the development of conflict resolution skills. In addition, with the help of premarital counselling, couples develop a positive attitude.
• The first step in premarital counselling is to educate prospective bride and groom on the importance of marriage. Such counselling assists them in developing the mentality of changing themselves and adjusting to their partners' spaces.
• When the person is ready to marry at a suitable age, the next step is finding the right partner. Instead of evaluating individual merits, compatibility between the two is evaluated. This is a difficult task because we humans tend to hide our true selves and negative characteristics and try to present our best. 
• It is also difficult to predict how partners will interact with each other, whether the marriage is love, arranged, or arranged-cum-love. Inter-caste, inter-religious, or marriage with a foreigner are some critical situations that, if not addressed before marriage, may cause problems in the future.
• During counselling, each partner is asked a series of written questions to assess their perspectives on each other and their marital relationship. During the session, various issues such as gender equality, liberalisation and opening up of society, women taking equal responsibility as breadwinners, nuclear families, demanding lifestyle, highly cutthroat competitive world, and stresses and strains of day-to-day life are discussed.
• Before marriage, it is also essential to get a premarital medical assessment done to rule out certain diseases such as thalassaemia, haemophilia, sickle cell anaemia, and certain strains of Hepatitis, HIV/AIDS, and others.

Premarital counselling no doubt has several benefits as it can turn around your equation with your to-be spouse and help you understand them more.

ToneOp has ticked out some benefits of premarital counselling for you to lay your eyes on.

Benefits Of Premarital Counselling

Premarital counselling is intended to give you and your partner the tools you need to navigate married life together. These are some advantages that this therapy can provide:

1. Learn Constructive Communication

Communication is crucial in premarital counselling, as "partners learn to convey their positions clearly without attacking or arming the other."

2. Improves Your Conflict-Resolution Skills

Premarital counselling teaches you and your partner problem-solving and conflict-resolution techniques. "At first, communication often results in conflict, but with time, couples can have more constructive discussions," says one expert.

3. Eliminates Dysfunctional Behaviour

Premarital counselling can help you identify and correct unhealthy behaviours and patterns in a relationship.

4. Develops Healthy And Equitable Decision-Making Processes

Premarital counselling can assist you and your partner develops healthy and equitable decision-making processes.

5. Reduces Marital Anxiety

Wedding preparations and other factors like your concerns for the new life phase can trigger your anxiety and stress you out. It is better to find ways to deal with the anxiety a wedding brings.

If you or your partner are concerned about what married life will entail, premarital counselling can help you discuss important issues and gain clarity.

Pre-marital counselling is a great way to understand your partner and talk about things you never thought you would. 

Talk it out!

"One of the most effective aspects of premarital counselling is the opportunity to improve communication skills in the relationship by instilling strategies, teaching tools, and unpacking recurring conflicts."

It also provides a safe environment for you and your partner to discuss and plan essential aspects of your marriage. Again, a counsellor can assist you in guiding these discussions to be fruitful for your relationship.

Furthermore, premarital counselling provides tools to help you and your partner communicate more effectively and resolve conflicts in the direction of a healthy bond.

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